As I breathe the dawn...

ABOMINATION

2012-01-27T10:39:00.001+02:00

IN THE FINAL DEPARTURE
FROM THE SLAVERY
DRIFTING UPON THE FACES
ENTER THE ALTAR
AGAINST THE LIGHT
AND INTO ETERNAL NIGHT
AND BEYOND...
THE SHORES OF LIFE
PURE HOLLOW BLACKNESS

SCREAMS FROM BELOW WHISPERING TO ME
TO WITHDRAW FROM GRACE ABOVE AND
JOIN THEIR MISERY
EMBRACE ME FOREVERMORE AND PULL ME
FURTHER DOWN

THE FROWNED UPON FATE
KEEP ME FUELED WITH HATE
OH, HOW VICTORIOUS
I WILL BE
WHEN I FULFILL MY DESTINY
OF ABOMINATION
AGAINST ALL CREATION

LIFE IS A PRISON WITHOUT END
LIT THE MINARETS OF BLACK FAITH
AND BURN WITHIN THY OWN MALICE

ABOMINATION by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Writer's block

2011-03-05T12:49:00.001+02:00

"Writer's block is a condition, associated with writing as a profession, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The condition varies widely in intensity. It can be trivial, a temporary difficulty in dealing with the task at hand. At the other extreme, some "blocked" writers have been unable to work for years on end, and some have even abandoned their careers. It can manifest as the affected writer viewing their work as inferior or unsuitable, when in fact it could be the opposite."

Though I am not using writing as a profession, or as a source of income, but this is what is happening to me. I've not been able to complete a single new poem or a note for too long now, I've got many incomplete works that need completing. Each time I set a goal and start working, I get lost in between the lines and the issue fades away and I get drained in either another issue or life-imposed burdens. It has not been going so well lately with work and life in general that I am rethinking about everything in the past and questioning about what the future might hold and what is my role in this life in general since I am feeling extremely uncomfortable in many ways, work is a very good example of that.

I hope this gets over by soon as I got things in my mind, many actually that needs to get out but the problem simply lies in the order of getting things out when they are out of order in my head, when my head is lost in a very strange mix between harmonic tunes of a chaotic nature.

Diabolical Eve

2010-11-01T00:00:00.003+02:00

Is it time? To indulge in pain...

Self deceit's divulging pain.

As I am cursed by revenge...

Strong and growing darker...

For the sun to set over you...

And the night to forever dawn over your face.

Courage now lies betrayed...
The story is ciphered in these words you bleed.

Their beauty is a trap, their words are lies.

Block your ears, and close your eyes.

Own your soul; accept no compromise.

She will remain herself, no matter how hard she tries.

You never noticed the truth...
From your cloud of denial!
Even when disguised as a thought...
A mere memory...
I will never stop feeding you... FIRE!

"Love,care and altruism" words I will never fall for again.

For I have sacrificed my heart's kindness...

For something far more darker.

And far beyond your comprehension...

Sacrifice your eyes only to those who will see...
As the blind at heart wont care for a new born sun.

Becoming self consumed by hate...

Fighting their self glorified ignorance.

Though you were surrounded by failure and pure cold madness...

Wrongfully, you remained my hope!

If you think you're evil; I am the devil lurking in you...
If you feel hollow; I am the hollowness haunting your soul...
If your heart is nostalgic; I am the pain settled, burning in your heart...

I will never escape my colossal fears...

Struggling till darkness takes us all...

Till death takes us home.

Set your horrors free; as you've never been farther from the sun...
And bleed your way through; as you're now ever closer to me.

Artwork thankfully provided by Mohammed Darwish.

Diabolica Eve by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Soul Relapse

2010-07-22T14:40:00.004+03:00

When the lovely ugly face of life is blinding the masses...
When sorrow is interwoven with grief...
When you are a hopeless case of sorrow, and of despair...
When you become the model of the triumph of sadness,
And the horror of madness...
You yearn for the taste of sweet, sweet death.
Like... nothing else.

Betrayed by life; but I didn't care...
But when betrayed by you; Everything fell behind.
For you were always; one step- too far.
Volatile screams in my dreams...
In the sea of my dreams I died; burning...
In the fire of my desire, I died; drowning.

In the ruins; my soul relapsed, descended...
To a shallow, unmarked grave...
Please pull me under , and don't push me further.
Please hide me...

May evil now lead my steps...
To help me cast your presence away.
For you to be lost in the labyrinth of madness...
Then found in the of plethora darkness.

Now; as you stand before my judging eyes...
I strip my mind from all but you.
But still, I could not forgive you...
I wish your life to be in death...
I wish you no more breath.
I've always wanted you down...
Come down, down here...
Devour my pain, and drown in my thirst.

Curse me, my lord forevermore...
For I am the weak, wild and shameless.

Better to reign in hell than to rest in peace.
For I am the king of all what is to come.

Soul Relapse by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Tyranny

2010-04-22T13:09:00.004+02:00

Too sad to cry, betrayed I lay; lost...

In a colorless place, trapped between darkness and light.

Welcoming the tide of fall...

Still, I long for the conjuration of daring springs...

Sickness surrounds me...

While seeking guidance to hell.

With nails, made of dirt...

I am scratching, injuring death.

As I am death's heir apparent.

And survival is my weakest instinct...

Why did you punish the heart that loved you?

Were you worth the blood that I shed?

We broke and fell... as one.

To me you're now...

A past friend, and a respected enemy...

Carry me away, and into tyranny...

Where I will let defeat dim their eyes

While victory shines mine...

My will be done, theirs; be gone!

Feeling indifferent while awaiting the lost twilight...

As the sun forever sets over my soul...

Tempted and blessed... by hatred...

...Forever enraged

Detonate a star...

Darkness unites us, and light tears us apart

Forever indebted...to winter...

Tyranny by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Deceit

2010-02-14T00:00:00.011+02:00

Bringing you songs from farthest suns and moons...

While I am trapped between four walls.

The art of manifestation and, becoming what you fear...

You were my idol of sin, and I was your grieving cupid.
Dragging you now, to the void of deceit...

Love is perfect...
But man is flawed.

Into blindness, I welcome you...

Diving deep, into the inner, you.

To plant the precious seed in your heart and soul...

The seed of thorns.

Aiming higher than you can fly...

The more you reach out for me...

The more you wont find me.

And you will end up, forever empty handed.

This is not a transient failure.

Will I ever...

Catch you if you fall?

Of dreams dissolved in bitter reality...

I'll leave you be... with your dreams...

As they are your safest haven.

Face the bitter truth...

That we were two lovers with guns...

Each one aimed at each other's head.

This love was devoid...

Devoid of light, devoid of life.

As you were seduced by your unpleasant fears...

But silenced by prevention.

Don't believe me today...

Because I stopped believing in myself.

I lost something along the way...

I lost ... Me.

To me, you were my valentine's prey.

And I am not sorry for deceiving you, not sorry for leading you...

Into loving the man... I once wished to be.

We were all born under the same moon...

But our tragedies are different.

The best way to defeat oneself...

Is to kill oneself.

Nurture your devils, and sacrifice your enemies.

And forever, darkness will dwell within.

Deceit by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

...كل ذهب سدى

2010-01-14T23:56:00.002+02:00

اتبعيني حبيبتي فوق كل الأنام ... تعالي حبيبتي لنعتلي هذا الحطام.
طغيان جمالك حبيبتي, اعماني ... وجعلني أتمنى الفناء لأيامي.
بإيمان غيب عقله, نسى الإنسان ...جمال هذا الطغيان
حين تتألق الاحزان ... بعيدا عن بر الأمان.
حيث انعدام الأمان ... بعد اندثار الامال.
حيث انطواء المعاني ... بعد انهيار الأماني.
للذكرى... حبنا الاجوف ... للحنين... وجهك الملثم بالخوف...
نظرا, تذكرا لهذا العصر المهان ...تذكرا لشجن هذه الألوان.
ننشد الظلم بشر المستطاع ... لان العدل كان سراب...
لتتأوهي يا أفكاري... وأنا انظر إلى سخرية اقداري...
لتتهاوي يا امالي ... ادراكا ان الموت هو المصير.

Faith of darkness

2009-12-30T09:17:00.006+02:00

Give me, give me more...

Of what I crave for.

I still can't see...

The yes hidden in your no.

The misconceptions, the disease...

The lustrous desire, the awaited breeze...

Which will never come, never find the cure.
As to me; you were worth dying for...
But to you; I wasn't even worth fighting for.

I am sick of the heroics of love.

With blind eyes, I was looking at you...
Cold is the untold... truth.

Born to suffer...

Seeing colors, no one have seen before me...

With a weak smile now...

I have to leave.
To where sadness is an art...
And darkness will never depart.

Under darkest skies of consciousness...

My soul was baptized.
And the darkness is sworn in...
Embracing darkness, as a faith...
And now, as I became darkness...
Darkness now fears me.

Let it be known, let it be shown...

That the faith of darkness, will always be amongst...

The hearts of the deep.

This concludes it for 2009.
Edited in 18/01/10.

Faith of darkness by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

The Day She Left...

2009-11-29T13:14:00.001+02:00

Twenty-two years...
Hectic were the days...
Passing by, with every heart beat...
A wedding, to ease the sadness...
Smiles and joy, to masquerade the loss.

I wasn't always near you, but...
Unspoken, was my love to you...
Your tears, of happiness...
Our tears, of joy.
Throw all your fears, behind...

Moving you, to a new home...
With your loved one.
You chose him, he chose you...
Stay close to him, and always be true.
Don't be afraid, a new life is ahead of you.
Stand courageous and strong.
Live and love, nothing will go wrong.
But it will never be the same here...
Without you.

Dedicated to my beloved sister.

Darkness of faith

2009-11-22T00:00:00.002+02:00

Oh, you there... why do you no longer care?

Oh, you there... when did you stop to care?

I still remember you, as you were...

A blush, in a human form.

Wiping all relevance behind...
My blood-red lust...
With every false gesture.

Not awake, until another day...

Where dreams are... born.

Trying to see what lies behind...

The blinding white...

All I found there...

Shadows, of darkness and despair...

The blackness overwhelms me...

And the darkness stuns me.

Still spellbound...

By the rising flame....

Where the titans, are still rising...

Where I am shot by rusty guns...

But still, refuse to die.

The chain that glows... still.

Inviting my neck to embrace...

Nightmares are pouring...

From that chain that... bleeds.

And my passion for you...

Is still, so true.

Although one day I was standing tall...

Now; into darkness... I must fall.

Dedicated to my warm winter sun.

Darkness of faith by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

A Lover's Suicide Note

2009-10-22T20:05:00.005+02:00

Welcome... to this soothing hell...
Live the tense moments of your future's past...
A tide of stress...
A sea of sour sadness...
Echoes of defiance...
Pain's decadence...
Topped by...
A hurricane in your delirious eyes.

Too many faces... too many eyes...
Looking at me... staring at me...
Some, laughing at me...
Some, crying for me.
To know me... will either be...
Your everlasting blessing or...
Your eternal curse.
But it will always be...
Your choice.

Mesmerize the lies in their eyes...
Commit your purest sins...
And highest treason...
Betray yourself.
Become the owner of this conspiracy...
As we are the theorists of our own conspiracy.

Another refreshing dispute...
The questions were...
Who were you?
Who are you?
And again, doubting reality...
This is a barren war.

This is a death you don't deserve
A death only I, deserve.
Even if I was exiled to hell...
I still have heaven in my heart.
Apocalypse... is only the beginning.

A Lover's Suicide Note by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

The Stance

2009-09-19T20:41:00.006+02:00

Come close my darling,
And taste my sweet venom.
My love will remain your prison.
Then please fail me; to set me free.
As you are -now- inflamed... by my words.
And of what these words, -now- revealed.

I used to harvest the air you breathe...
We were sheltered in the skies...
Of our endless dreams.
Your sight; numbed my eyes.
And as my muse, you inspired me with...
Spurts of imagination.

With this mercenary smile...
I kiss you goodbye.
Then watch you die (inside yourself).
Because you gave me the reason why (to leave you).

As when you once saw...
A stream of hope...
In smoldering light...
You still chose to let go.
Losing yourself deep in fraudulent darkness.
And in your eyes I saw...
The stars collide.
As you became...
The sun of my darkness.

Now, I am drifting shamelessly...
Away from you.
As we now become...
Two souls; colored ill.
In this pale starvation.
And trust me when I tell you...
Knowing is worse than not-knowing.

Leaving you now, lost in the question of...
"How can I make your shadow, stay"!?
Left with you is a memory of me...
The miracle of time...
Where your world stretches, backwards!
As you'll recognize my face (forever)...
You'll always be haunted by my vulgar smile...

Wishing you the best...
In the trajectory path,
Your cowardice drew for you.
All what is left now is...
Your leaking sorrow, and...
A vicious smile; in my fierce eyes.

The Stance by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

A perspective...

2009-09-03T08:24:00.004+02:00

Hunted.. head down.
Drugged by love and suppressed by fear...
Oh, how I miss these moments...
Moments of blessed suppression.

Such an early defeat...
In late-summer grief.
With faint whispers, just higher than a decibel...
"Blame it on the future..."
Oh, Shame on the future!
But still...
Sadly, the illusion fades away...
Then tragedy blooms...
And twilight fades.

I am enslaved in darkness...
Enslaved in a lustrous desire.
My thoughts... imprisoned...
In the mind of the disabled.
But I am still... younger than dead.

Of dreams dissolved...
In this bitter, chaotic reality...
Comes...
The hollow winds of deliverance...
Made from this naked thin-air.
It'll break this epic silence.
As we all die; clutched...
In the hands of evil.

Because its beauty lies in its sickness,
This world cannot be cured.
The ultimate ruin of faith...
The total corruption of beliefs.
This is a perspective, of a dying world.

A perspective... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Vigilant nightmare

2009-08-20T00:00:00.001+03:00

As alone... I was left.
Under this pale red sky...
And that gray waterfall...
Facing...
The pain of neglect.
Chasing...
Imaginary dragons; only in my head.

And now... in the still breeze...
Your moon-skin is peeling...
As you were shedding those tears...
...Of understanding.

Tormenting thoughts... behind those psychotic eyes...
In this holocaust of hearts...
Your filthy heart... beats my name.
But still...
My warm hate is better...
Than your cold love.

Discovering new landscapes...
Where no man dared to visit before.
Found there is...
The mind...
Behind this well-crafted masterpiece; of grand betrayal...
Oh, how I envy...
This... mind.

Finally, I can confirm...
I am the winner of my salvation.
After beating this freshly brewed fear!
Hope... is our opium.
Love... is our heroin.
And realization... is our enemy.

Vigilant nightmare by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Forgetfulness Tulip

2009-08-06T00:00:00.013+03:00

The soundtrack of my haunting...

This sudden decline...
Lack of serotonin...
The beautiful shame of forgetting...
Your shameful beauty!

Before; you were seeking shelter...
Somewhere else; other than the three dimensional world...
After finding it too cold; your world.
Now; you are seeking refuge..
This time in... my heart.

Oh, my sweet solicitude...
I won't be deifying your obscurities...
And the winds wont carry me; back to you.
I'll remain; on higher grounds!

My love (to you) is dead...
But never forgotten.
I'll never forgive...
Your love-blasphemous heart!
And while I... transcend...
I still fear...
What's behind those... skeleton trees.

Forgetfulness Tulip by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

The secret repulsion

2009-07-23T10:35:00.001+03:00

I have committed the perfect crime.
Wearing my mortal disguise.
I am still not the enemy... but you are...
The enemy of yourself.

I died a thousand more times...
As you believed that there were always...
Expressions better left unseen...
And words better left unsaid.
Nothing of passion, ever came...
Out of your dry cold lips.

Though I once was rebelliously yours...
A plethora of silent rage was stirring in me.
Because you were lost...
In a requiem of fears!
As you were so afraid to live...
So afraid to love.
Oh these eyes...
I now, despise!

About the promised fiction of purity...
I was dedicated to bring to life.
Your love was to me like the light...
Light; as being imagined by the mind of the blind.
You were withheld; in a dream...
And yet, still you chose to burn inside of me.

Mesmerize, memorize then fantasize!
With jaded tears you'll experience...
The magic of redemption...
Beneath a black sky...
And under a blistering sun.

The secret repulsion by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

The gift of... Death.

2009-07-09T00:00:00.011+03:00

Too tired to carry on...
The decision was contrived...
And the deal was sealed.
Wholeheartedly, I must say...
I will miss you.

For I once... crossed my heart...
To always be... your savior.
I won't ask for your forgiveness...
But you'll always be welcomed to visit me...
Welcomed to my tomb.
Where I can no longer see; God's blinding sun...
Where I can no longer hear; the early-morning bird.

Under our imprisoned star...
Is the comfort of despair...
This cold despair.
Cut me up, and set me free...
With those sharp edgy things... that shine!
The instruments of my death.

Left for the remembrance...
Is this scenic sacrifice.
Where I am sacrificed...
For you, and deep... Into your soul.
And left for the witnessing...
Is the beauty of your survival.

Inspired by Seven Pounds.

The gift of... Death. by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

I, Dominate.

2009-06-25T18:06:00.011+03:00

In love with the hollowness of this void...
Falsifying the well known truths...
Under this dim tender light.
Where faint-candles are lit...
And your wrists; severely slit.

In love with the dominance of my reality...
Of the tranquility this horror creates...
And the horror, this tranquility carries within.
I am spellbound by thy name...
And you are bedeviled by my name.

As I am rising; without wings...
Rewarding your silence...
With the pleasure of oppression!
And leading your way; to this doomed paradise...
As alone, I face...
The climax of your fears...
In this perfumed blinding light!

Starring at me; with those tearful, marble eyes...
With your eyelids; shining...
Asking...
Why did you... save me?
And the answer remains...
To kill you myself.

I, Dominate. by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Avenge me!

2009-06-11T19:04:00.001+03:00

Counting the days; long gone...
This time; it's a little different...
The loudness of this silence; deafens me...
It sears me.
And the sun's idle rays; not reaching my soul...
As I am trapped; behind the curtains of night.

Now; heading to where it rains...
Trying... clarifying life's blurs.
After being shot...
By the bullets of memories.
Now, I am dead and unseen...
Out of my dream!

The hate and ignorance...
That feeds you... and on you...
Like the roots; burning.
Setting loose, those intimate hallucinations...
With your darkness; caressing my eyes...
With your crippled soul.

Of lodging insanity; into this sweet reality...
Death's smell; is everywhere...
Even in flowers.
It's untrue; this time, it's very different...
As I am still waiting, and always will...
For your demons to avenge me.

Avenge me! by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Not to be!

2009-05-28T00:00:00.003+03:00

For I was not given the choice to be...
And yes, it would've made all the difference to me...
As not to be, is the choice for me.
A fact I am electrified by the boldness of its truth...
And hanged by its meaningless meaning.

Life and death are only two stages in our forced existence...
Sometimes the soul dies far before the body...
If we wont cry now, then when will we?
These tears fading our youths' away...
These fears feeding on the hearts of the living.

I'm doomed to watch it, every single day...
The sad-setting sun...
And the strangulation of temptation...
As I rub my neck, passionately...
My temptation for strangulation (arise, arise!).
Then; Inspired by this shapeless meaning...
I awake... at the edgy quench of my desire.

Deliberately lost; in a spectrum of fears...
As it just fills me with more... of what I currently am.
Some failures; well hidden...
Behind tasteless success.
Oh! How fallen we are...
"Ashes..., Ashes..."
We all fall down!

Not to be! by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Together or Never

2009-05-14T10:00:00.006+03:00

The time has come to reunite...
Yet again; with my precious depression.
As I am submitting to the will...
The will to drown...
Drown into this insanity.

Of the glory of our story...
And our story of glory...
Our perfection; was born...
Only to be polluted by the purity...
The purity of this madness...
As it was never seen before.

This time; the equation becomes harder...
With none of us to blame...
Come scar me again; and engrave your mark...
As I'll always kiss my precious scars.

It just doesn't work in this situation...
My art of misdirection.
Cant find a way out; of this infected spider's web...
I still wish that one day...
We become what we once were...
Because it's together or never.

If my present is becoming your past...
Then, sadfully; I must confess...
Yesterday was yours...
Today is forcefully mine...
And tomorrow might be hers...
Please sign my confession.

This was written to immortalize these darkened moments...
To immortalize the frozen death of our love...
It was signed with a kiss, and sealed with bliss...
He just murdered me, by keeping me alive... without you.

Delicately written, and dedicated to my everything. You were, are and always will remain the axis of my existence.

Together or Never by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Disuphere

2009-05-07T01:39:00.004+03:00

The scribes of my imagination...
Calling the scrivener of my own destiny...
Watching the kite of my dreams as it flew...
Before my eyes, up-high where winds blew...

Alone, left we are..
When truthfulness becomes a memory...
For long, missed were the pure at heart...
I even forgot the time they had to depart...

A forgotten breed, from an unknown seed...
Left is only a single loosely-hanged silhouette....
"Framed, with my blood drained..."
Left unseen, covered with waves of dullness...

Like stains of old clotted sins...
In a world, like this...
I'd rather be gone, than undone.

Disuphere by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

A faded promise...

2009-04-23T19:12:00.002+02:00

Overcoming an inevitable loss..
At where it's called.. "The End".
Practicing a fragile smile...
As I bought my escape...

The aroma of old sandal, the sweet-bitter taste of licorice...
Hurtful memories, of my faded promise...
Anytime, anywhere; for you, I'll be there...
I promised you that this variable will always remain constant...
As in your absence, the sun doesn't dare...
But it seems that this constant itself, is a variable.

Our love was frantic; In a life.. so drastic.
Of all the times, when you weren't there...
Busy.. killing innocence, and murdering beauty...
Dreaming of me then trying to paint me real...

Undissolved obsessions to the past...
Of all the lies we've been fed...
Of all the dreams that I dread...
Of all the tears that has been shed...
Where betrayal is an art, I was not willing to perfect.

My weakened limbs, my saddened soul...
I don't care to remember...
When you didn't dare to shine...
As soon as you let me in, I fired you out.
I might not be so proud of what I have become, but it's safer that way.

Add reality to the mix, then you'll be impressed!
As I am now He...
He who becometh, He who deceiveth.

Thanks to Honey El-Moghazi for her valuable help with this one.

A faded promise... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Love, undone.

2009-04-09T22:32:00.000+02:00

After years and years of absence...
You came back to me; soaked in your tears...
Under a stripped-down dawn...
Such a view; reminded me of a widowed beauty...
After I learned, felt, and finally understood.

From those eyes; I learned the meaning of carelessness...
From those hands; I felt the true definition of coldness...
From those lips; poured the words of doom...
Words, soft as silk, sharp as razors.

My spring-full, autumn-less soul was stroked!
Stroked, attacked by the desire...
The disastrous, selfish desire of a foreign soul...
The cold embrace of night; in the absence of your light...
Devouring sadness, throwing up madness!
Another episode of glossolalia!!!

Another failed trial of justification...
As I advised you once; use your failure to create your own success...
As I told you once; A way must be found, or rather created.
I couldn't follow my own rules; no good can come out of this.
As I finally found the solution to your pollution...
And successfully avoided the pollution of your solution.

As we, together enjoyed the joy of guilt...
Our lips; were our souls edges...
Never kissing edges...
So sorry to say, there's no more of us...
As I can't find the fossil of my heart.
Alone was a dying kiss, on my forgotten lips.

Love, undone. by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Death's Agenda...

2009-03-19T21:04:00.001+02:00

Dear death..., you may now art...
And I'll be welcoming you; with my arms wide open...
I'll be giving my soul -or what's left of it- to you.
Before you take it, before you ask for it.

For I shall not be remembered; yet am very well known...
For I am your fear; fear of the unknown...
For when we meet; you'll never be the same...
As you'll immigrate to the land of no return.

This is not me, not my place, and definitely not my time.
Till my time-unknown, yet hopefully-soon appointment; in your agenda...
I'll be digging my own grave; what pleasurable moments!
As I am passionately waiting for my privileged dance with you...
And my turn to play the role in ending it all.
Where have you been...? I waited for too long, seen too much, felt too low…
A systematic destruction of my hope...
Of any hope.

You didn't choose to live; but you have a "wrong" choice to die...
It's not depression; it's only your soul in recession.
Willingly losing it all; after all meanings were truly lost...
You're not a victim, in any kind or way.
And life's nakedness, not so attractive; to keep you there.

I just can't find truthfulness. All what's there are in capabilities and major ironies...
If I didn't have beliefs; No second thoughts would've been given...
I'm eager to witness death's beauty...
As I before witnessed beauty's death.

Like a devil camouflaging as an angel...
A simple look through my cloudy eyes...
Saw your beauty painted-clear in white noise.
A solution is always there; only to those who dare...

Death's Agenda... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

A nation's crucifixion...

2009-03-10T12:41:00.000+02:00

It all started with a failed trial..
In your name; acts of shame...
Your volatile beauty; reminds me of a hostile duty...
As my heart will be crucified by me; In the name of thee.
As soon as the sun sets; blood will be shed...
But yet again; the moon shall rise ...
To reign this kingdom of eternal night.

Yes I am in pain; of not feeling any pain...
I miss pain; cant remember when and how it got lost...
Was it because I became careless?
Or because I lost my senses; when I jumped over their fences...
And drowned in their sea of lies...

Doomed by your love; blessed by their hate
Your sun is now barren; no more light.
You simply became a worst case scenario...
A worst case scenario I am dying for.

When poverty becomes the nothingness we share...
The grief in our hearts; fragmented the hope and light...
We are only the results of our own failures...
As I didn't want to bloom alone...
I didn't want to leave... alone...
But again...as if it matters...

Our minds; infected by trust; cured by doubt
Then our souls; infected by doubt and fueled by hate...
Alongside our uncontrolled fear; burning in our chests...
Lost in a stormy-black cloud of thoughts...
Only the why will lead to the how...
Oh, how I wish all these lies were true...
Oh, how I wish all these lies become true...

A nation's crucifixion... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Spiral of thorns

2009-02-19T10:00:00.000+02:00

Made from the ruins of what’s left of us…

Is my current acquisition of dawn…

And it’s decorated with hate.

After years of isolation; realization finally made a visit...

To my soul in the land of perdition.

This time; I won't dramatize, I'll traumatize.

I swear; by the devil's pride...

The same pride that shat the devil out of heaven.

That I'll make them all taste the same disgust…

As I'll just leave them to my untamed self...

And no one's existence shall be robust; not with me.

My outer charm doesn't necessarily reflect inner beauty.

As nothing is as bleak as my heart...

As it was enchained; and well trained…

To suck you all into my spiral of thorns.

As I invoke the meadows of their deepest fears…

And blow my fake mist; in a comforting act of trust…

Then shattering them apart; when least expected…

Those angelic eyes; cries of slavery...

Endless rivers of tears will be sacrificed in my name…

They say "My heart is yours and I'm so afraid"…

But I remain stone-hearted; as all good has departed.

I'm aware of my sinful, dreadful acts…

But In this game I play; no rules to abide to.

No regrets whatsoever of my wicked acts...

It drives me to mass enjoyment and great joy.

Someone must pay the price; and apparently it’s not me.

You'll pay for my sins and yours...

Being the master of my fate; and driven by hate…

I am not afraid of what I have become; not anymore.

When fear isn't present; not from anyone... not from anything...

I've seen it all; and then some.

You might not deserve this; but neither did I.

And the one; who did this to us, well she got away...

Spiral of thorns by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Of me, myself & I...

2009-02-12T13:00:00.000+02:00

When its only me, myself and I...

When there is no one left to blame...
And alone, I carry all the shame...
When there's a lot of pain to share...
But no one seems to care...
I remain voiceless and willingly breathless...

Now; It's all about the when...
It's too early to worry about the how, where and even why.
No matter where I try to hide from myself...
There's always the night; confrontation and no place to hide.
The forced privilege of time...
And the denied right of death.

As death has now marched the earth...
Spreading under the name of love; mere spiritual ruin...
My endless visits to the morgue of souls...
Still couldn't find whats left of my diseased soul.
Lies of make believe; lets rejoice and call it a day!
Wicked assumptions of joy...
And false first impressions.

Left is a path of destruction behind them...
Laid is a path of corruption in front me.
The corruption of destruction...
And destruction of corruption.
Now you know; now I know...
Why loneliness is sometimes preferred but, sometimes forced.

Lost is a chance...
A chance to be myself again..
Fear of Utopian love; but I'm drinking my way out of it...
Should I stop waiting for something I know will never come?
Or might it revisit eventually?
By far this is the only fact..
My dreams are lost, hope lies afar...
Love is a fantasy we kiss...

Of me, myself & I... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Lost Within...

2009-02-05T10:00:00.000+02:00

Trapped in those awkward moments...

Lonesome as a poet witnessing a new dawn...

Troublesome as a lover having conflicting doubts...

Trying to reach my sanity; through madness.

A trail of tears; on my cheeks...

The rules they live by; I die by...

My passionate heartbeats can no longer be heard...

After you left in harmony; and left me in utter chaos...

Whenever you'd have to leave; It would've been always too soon...

As I tend to fall again; as I tend to fail again.

The sound of prayers; deafens my ears...

The false faith; in a deaf unwilling deity...

They are following the legends of old...

Becoming a legion of blinded warriors.

Our hidden false judgments were; so accurately wrong...

Our inner intentions were; so amazingly awful.

I don't remember being born; at least to this world...

Can't find you - my savior; even in my dreams...

In sickness; I find my redemption...

In death; I find my salvation.

Dare I to roll the dice; of my fate?

After being defeated in my own game.

I learned to look beyond the shapes...

The bluest of skies; blackness of space beyond...

The purest of seas; endless darkness within...

Beneath the ruins; Eden is burnt...

Beyond the fall; there is no shiny summer...

No tranquility; not anymore...

As I suffer in my ecstasy; suffering from lack of hate...

I was so deviated from my given path...

Truth simply is; we are better off beasts...

Than trying to be vaguely human.

Let the lies be stretched to cover the skies...

Let the lies be spread and falseness arise...

Sometime, somewhere, someone will find something...

Something of value, somewhat shinning but somehow mislead.

Lost Within... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Isgrav

2009-01-29T10:00:00.000+02:00

Puzzled in problems I can no longer recall...
Tasting the fear of loss... and the fear of becoming...
Possessed by my past endeavors.. my current flaws...
While I was growing a new face...

You don't have to be dead to experience death...
You can be so lively; yet so dead.
When you accidentally fall in love; by pure chance...
But find that there is no reaction; to your contraction...
You'll be sent directly into the blue.

As I decay in an icy grave...
I realized that I was born to die.
As I suffer from unidentified agony...
My darkest laments; remains unheard.
Emotional frost and silent echoes..

All I had were puppet dreams; it seems...
My crystal heart won a nomination...
Nomination for cremation.
What I had for you was so greatly, so dearly; burnt...
I'll not just sit there imprisoned by your negativity...
My thoughts will conquer the world...

I stayed outside of myself; locked outside...
Waiting for someone... something... to take me...
And show me the worlds above...
Or at least; this is what I want.

Whispers of disagreement...
Whispers of grief...
As if they knew...
As if you knew...

Isgrav by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

The longest shortcut...

2009-01-22T16:19:00.000+02:00

As I am taking the longest shortcut...
Trying to avoid my heavily corrupted self image.
I saw whats left beneath our cultural remains...
Finding new dimensions of existence of your disturbance.
Until the one in the skies above makes the choices for me...
Whatever it may be; my fate remains undecided...
And I'll be locked in your limited choices.

As I remember myself telling you..
"Use it, but don't abuse it".
Nightly delights; abuse of my confusion...
The truthfulness your lies conceal...
As I chew harder on them; still couldn't swallow...
Your wet kisses; the only thing I couldn't get enough of.

Let me touch your inner soul...
Conversion of your soul's beliefs; to believe in me.
I couldn't foresee; such a tragedy...
You should regret; what you never had...
I've been many people before...
But I don't recall being that weak...
Was it not only a dream?

While I was curing my accidentally broken heart...
I couldn't define whats wrong and whats not...
And forgot what happiness felt like...
Only when your best will never be good enough...
Maybe it was unintentional; yet it was too inspirational.

My soul is but only a reflection of mirrored black decay...
I'll sell it to the first bidder...
I'll trade my heart for your love.
Jealousy of your dreams lead to bleak sorrow...
What can be done...?
This will remain undone.

As I am lost in the view; wide velvet dream-skies...
I can still hear them storming out the night...
But this is not my fight...
At least not till I find my light.
Where have you gone...?
It has just begun.

The longest shortcut... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

A heart's silent retirement...

2009-01-14T17:58:00.000+02:00

Ladies and gents, betrayal now continues...

I am known for what I am.
Depression; is my soul's detention...
I remembered your fear-scented skin...
When I was becoming whom I should...

Our hearts were made of glass...
Your eyes were a well of tears...
Looking at them; I forgot what i was supposed to forget.*
Inner lamentations, of dreams betrayed.

False prophecies of love and peace...
Distant promises of overcoming...
As you cling to mystic bonds of the past.
And I got the answers; to your not yet asked questions.

Falling into your sun; slowly but steadily...
I was resurrected through your flames...
And your twilight shone in my eyes...
I couldn't deny your light; no matter how hard I try.
The warmth I felt; when I was close to you...
The frost I feel; when I am far from you...

When too little from you meant too much for me...
And too much from me was too little for you...
That's not what I want; but its all what I'll get.
The simplicity of its complexity...
And complexity of its simplicity.

My heart might still be roaring for your love...
But it's deafened by the silence of your abyss.
Couldn't be more tragic; A heart's silent retirement...
The world is dying; in my eyes...
Your love; is dying inside of me.
Suspended; yet still flowing...
I stand helpless against it.

Maybe someday I could forgive you...
But this day is not today.
This day is far far away...
Not in this millennium.

* Courtesy of my muse.. N.A.

A heart's silent retirement by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Oblivio accebit

2008-12-28T17:06:00.000+02:00

First time I spotted you..
You were seeking shelter...
In the shadow of a fallen star.
Where no shadows dare to fall.

Where everything was standing still; afraid to crawl...
You roamed freely; unafraid to fall.
Moving freely, but not answering my calls...
Step inside, its cold in here...
Step inside, where there is no fear.

Cosmic tears; promises so distant...
The toxicity of their creations...
Triggered the autumn of your soul.
Their games and lies...
Corrupted the truth in your eyes.

As I sit back, comfortably numb...
Watching it happen, the miracle.
Where a form of life is reborn through death...
Astounding, I must confess.

The beauty of submission; to you...
Your oath; not to betray my dreams.
As yours were once betrayed.
Forced into you; in such an irresistible way...
Your words made me drunk...
Drunken forevermore.

Is this tomorrow?
Or is this yesterday?
Simply because it cant be today.
Cause I have been promised everything...
Waited for anything...
Ended up getting nothing.

Magnificent valor against my eternal defeat...
I miss the times, when I was emotionally dead.
You caffeinated my soul; it will never rest in peace.
As I remember your words...

You said, "Can't lose you; you're so sincere".
But I must leave, my dear...
What have you done!
Look at what you've made me become...

Oblivio accebit by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Pitch-black Octave

2008-11-26T10:36:00.000+02:00

As I witness a brand new day...
All I can see are freaks on display...
As the clock is ticking my life away...
And my chosen course is set astray...
A brand new lie emerges from within.

My hollow heart is playing the darkest octave...
Against you, standing alone, so brave.
Avoiding your blinding burning dust...
Which is burying my lust.
Tried to fix you; but I was nixed...
You were determined not to be fixed.

Lost in the depths of my pain...
As it was flourishing from the grain.
Sketching you down as a beast...
Is a compliment; to say at least.

Ironic it is; equilibrium of my fate...
Everything was lost in my final debate.
As I enjoy the pressure of pleasure...
And the pleasure of pressure.

As I witness my grand demise...
Intrigued by its blackness.
Nothing is for now all what you have...
I might be what you deserve...
But not necessarily what you need.

Setting the new property of my integrity...
My life has only a black and grey theme...
A life of which I can no longer redeem.
As you play your renowned tune...
Of to which I became immune.

Pitch-black Octave by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Sui Caedere

2008-11-12T18:40:00.000+02:00

It's all what I saw in your eyes...
Eyes full of lies.
I will no longer aspire...
Becoming throned over your empire...
I still wish to hear our serenade one last time; sung.
Sung with passion to relief my burning heart...
As shortly we'll be worlds apart.

Somewhere within me; light is forbidden...
This place is very well hidden.
For I have no future; past is haunting my present...
And it wasn't too pleasant.
Memories are ghosts; killing me every night.

I can't deal with what I feel...
Where my nightmares get real.
As I passionately watch my life's show reel...
Terrorized by the grimness of its truth...
I fantasize about my end; my death.
For I never will have the chance to grow old...
And my life was too bold.

In the midst of my despair...
When all was clear, right and only fair...
Where everything beautiful; butchered...
And all underlying, distant hope; shredded...
Utmost, I finally grasped.

That I've been cheating my fate...
Alone, without a mate...
Closest one; devil incarnate.
Decided to start construction...
Construction of my destruction.

Oh the sweet taste of cyanide...
Internal chaos; no longer abide.
Under my feet, the skies were torn...
Just couldn't bear a newborn.

Sui Caedere by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Artwork courtesy of: Samuel Araya, Copyright remains with their respective owners.

My Tragedy

2008-11-06T20:00:00.000+02:00

Hold stronger to my hand...
As I take you for a ride on the roller coaster of life.
Names don't identify us; actions do.
As sickened love was quarantined.
As we share the same fate...
And a sheer amount of hate.

I'll narrate a tale.
A tale I can't forget...
A tale I wish to regret.
I wish I had the strength.
The strength to forgive...
The strength to forget.

My heart was offered on a golden plate...
All I got back was the uncertainty of hate.
With her; cruelty had a different taste...
Years were gone in haste...
And my life was given to waste.

Oh, how I enjoy that chorus...
But it lies on the farthest shores.
My dreams were crushed with fatality...
At the largest stone of reality.

As I settle at a tragic height...
Exhausted after my long eternal fight.
I was witnessing the beauty of the night...
And the moon was full and bright.
My soul bathed naked in presence of her light...

Laughing at my earliest pain...
As it revisits me again.
Trying -but not succeeding- to break the power I gain.
For I can't sleep...
For I won't sleep...
For what I feel is way too deep...
And I can no longer weep.

I've fell for all the wrong reasons...
We've been fed institutional lies.
But sometime, we must open our eyes...
To see you, my prize.

Nurturing my dreams; haunted by a memory.
A memory of stolen blessed moments; spent by your side.
Subconsciously falling into you; void is too deep.
Hindered; my life minus you.
What runs through my veins; over dosage of your love.
Ashes are still warm; yet missing the fire.

Dedicated to this special someone.

My Tragedy by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

In Continuum...

2008-10-30T14:01:00.001+02:00

Many yesterdays have passed...
Since I was last crowned over a soul...
A vampiric blood-thirst controls my instincts.
As days pace, yet again I am tempted..
Tempted to wear my mask of Love.

Lurking around; your being awaiting to be acquired.
Your sight, physique and figure...
A view that seduced my eyes.
You were too blind to see it come...
As you'll be added to my pristine collection...
Of beautifully broken hearts.

I am a curse.
I am enslavement in its worst state.
Striking at your weakest anticipation...
Your logic; paralyzed and put aside.

Shouldn't, wouldn't , and couldn't; warnings ignored...
Shaken, and outrageously broken...
A lot of good in this world; left only to dreams...
Escalation of your temptation.
As I unwrap your heart...
To be stabbed with a poisoned dart.

Your heart's sickened by the beauty of my domination...
Excessive control over your enslaved being...
Like a marionette in the wrong hands.
As I take you in an intense emotional voyage...
Where spirals unite in your mind.

So long gone, so long dead....
You've been missing; for too long...
You've gone missing at the horizon of your thoughts...
I wonder if you'll ever come back; recognizing and covered...
Recognizing that I am not even worth your hate.
Covered in moon shades.

In Continuum... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Always Remembering...

2008-10-21T19:46:00.001+02:00

Lost in the middle of nowhere...
Staring at a long dead photograph...
Remembering; that's used to be us...
Two different souls, yet one strong entity.
Where art thou, my beloved...
Your absence corrupts my presence.

Tears are suffocating my eyes; but I won't let them go...
As they are the only thing left reminding me of you.
No matter how hard I try...
My eyes will never be dry.
So tired of losing what I couldn't gain...
So tired of trying to be..
Whom I could never be..

You disinfected the world; by your existence...
Your virgin heart was displeased by life's cruelty.
You taught me; What life could bring us...
And what could we bring to life.
Vivid was life with no worries to bear...

Our thoughts created our reality...
Your words were melodies to my ears...
All my best was given to materialize your dreams...
Exceptionally different; we were..
Connected at a higher level than speech could reach..

As we were approaching our last goodbye...
You bled the reddest of tears, not of your pain.
You didn't have to leave to prove it...
This is a pain I didn't wish to try.
You gave up your existence...
Without any notable resistance.

I still remember our violently euphoric nights...
Our memories are lost in a frozen moment...
Leaving too early, we had eternity to share...
Too much still left for us to cherish.

Your loss bleached my soul...
I wish I find a way to bend the light.
Desperately longing for a glimpse of sight..
A final sight of confrontation...
To speak of what I couldn't speak of; my distress.
Always Remembering our days...
Under the blushing sun.

Always Remembering... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

The Rain

2008-10-16T18:12:00.001+02:00

So, I've given it much thought, instead of publishing a new poem this week, I will publish something which is really personal, a letter i got back in 2003. no further ado, no details, and don't ask for them because this is really personal.. I just like the way its written and the meanings it holds, that's why I thought of sharing it with you folks, whoever you might be, enjoy it.

As rain drops fall on my face, you couldn't seperate between them and my tears. Wind is cold outside, but is being warmed by the breath I exhale. I'm having problems breathing, but I'm not trying... I'm already dying from the volcano that my heart is pumping. I can't see any longer, the weather is not the problem, but it was you the only thing my eyes could see. Let me enjoy the bless of sight one more time my love... the taste of inhaling, and the ambience of peace.

I hug a tree in hope of it extracting some of my pain (along with the co2 it extracts from the air) to spare me, I cry out loud in hope of releasing the raging aches inside. But my body doesn't have the energy to let my pains out, instead it's only holding on more and more to it... just because its the only thing that I have left from you my love.

From all the words that I ever thought would hurt me, the word "goodbye" was the last to cross into my mind. Such a typical word, used by everyone everyday was the one to have taken the thing I am living for.

My heart pumps in your remedy with or without your sight. Therefore it's not my heart anymore, you dont own it... but it's working for you inside me working to spread the pain. the thing i have left from you. the thing you forgot with me.

Love is the only word I find in the dictionary that expresses how I feel. Oh!! how this word oppresses my feelings. Until/unless you come back to me, I'm here camouflaging my face in the rain, tricking my mind into believing its only the rain.

By R.Ismail, November 2003.

Reaper of hearts

2008-10-08T16:05:00.000+02:00

Back in the day I suddenly stopped wishing,
And slowly began realizing...
Your wings; are hollow.
Your lies; came in a variety of flavors.
Your love; aroused my soul.
Your charisma; imitated.

Of my dreaded memories, i share.
'tis true, I was horrified from the thought of losing you...
Yet, couldn't follow your guidelines of sin.
Words wont come out of the desert in my mouth...
Even when one escapes, it fell on deaf ears.
Dancing to the tunes of your lies in a parade of shame...
Such a wonderful lie..

Only when a word carries a thousand meaning...
Causes acute progression of thoughts...
Enigmas are pouring out of your words...
Moon scars reminds me of my inner scars...
Grandly reflected on the moon for all to witness.

Seeing all your adherents, didn't strike me back...
They sought uniqueness; yet only achieving likeness.
They sought what they couldn't reach...
Love was your easiest misery to create...
Even when surrounded by all vital light; doesn't lighten your existence.
Sharing the same misery.. they are...
Their hearts enslaved and freezing in your winter of frost...

I would still have given anything and everything...
For the taste of your embittered love.
To see acceptance in your eyes...
You were reaching me only through a dying embrace...
But then again, you plant seeds of doubt in my soul...
Beyond your rigid timber walls, lays an ill heart...
For a nanosecond of hope past eternity...
There it lays, the naked truth of your depravity.

When failure becomes a close friend you didn't choose...
Pushed myself away, away from your colorless surroundings...
Armed only by hope and faith for a better tomorrow...
I was gone in a fraction of a heartbeat.
Standing there, disturbed yet pretending you didn't tear my life apart...
So strange the sightings outside...
The world has a different meaning.
I see in calculus!*

* Inspired by "The Happening".

Reaper of hearts by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Gewalttätigen Realität

2008-09-29T22:51:00.001+02:00

Seeing only her shadow before me..
Knowing that's only what's left of what she used to be..
Accepting it, is another affair..
Her diabolical cries awakened the darkest of hearts..
Awakened me from my cruel sleep..

You don't always get what you pay for...
That's the true face of life; don't believe what they taught you..
Life is nothing but irony in a major scale...
Happiness became such a rare and expensive commodity..
A commodity that i can no longer afford..

Of her many oddities, i reminisce..
Her obscurities, my queen of confusion.
Her well constructed utterance, I devour
Her words; numb my soul, poisons my heart.
Mine are the sins, yours the regrets, She says.

In the theme of her darkness, everything is infinite..
As my soul is departing, yet to an unknown destination..
Unsure of my destiny, i chose my catastrophic paths..
Realization stroke me with a bold violent fact with determination..
A man who cannot face himself, cannot face the world.

Her glowing sun used to blind my eyes indefinitely..
A scrutiny about her extravagant facial features;
Revealed that she's flawed.
One lesson left for me to learn...
"Thou shalt not dream".

Gewalttätigen Realität by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Eclipsing Anxiety

2008-09-27T20:45:00.001+02:00

Of your apocalyptic beauty, my eyes blink..
Of your insanity, I speak...
Of your posterity, I tweak...
Of your coldness, I break...
Of my misery, I wail...

Where are you taking me?
To your bleak sea of loneliness?
Why are you dragging me?
You think it will strip you off your hopelessness?
Your horrid silence leads me to an eclipsing anxiety...

As i am slowly drifted into your eternity...
Your radiant presence still enthralls me...
I was like a butterfly inflamed by your light...
As if i had a choice to resist your silent aggression...
Of all the fears surrounding me, I fear you the most.

Cant live with you, Cant live without you..
With you, I enjoy the sweet sickness of joy and bitter pleasures of pain...
Its an oath to woe i made; it seems..
I sit there alone, having my cocktail of sadness..
And drown in my lake of tears...

For you are my evil twin..
Cant forget your erroneous perception of my progressive delusions...
I feel blessed by madness; suicide and other comforts...
I promise that by the time you regret...
I would've perfected the art of forgetting...

Eclipsing Anxiety by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Acres Of Sorrow

2008-09-27T20:44:00.000+02:00

Sunday, September 21, 2008 at 4:18pm

Lay your arms around my severed soul...
I cant face my gruesome truth...
Being me is a punishment for everyone around me...
Too bad, for I shall not change..
Not for anyone, Not for you.

As being left forlorn, enjoying the ensemble of silence,I remembered..
A distant memory; that I used to have a name...
But the fear of "what if?" wont let me recall it...
I cant reach any destination beyond myself..
Beyond the borders of my foul existence...

For you I say, close your eyes and open your heart...
Lets escape on lucid wings...
And indulge in my unearthly morbid habits...
All I can hear is your heartbeats, only in my mind...
And they still offend me.

Acres Of Sorrow by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Utter Darkness

2008-09-27T20:41:00.000+02:00

Saturday, September 13, 2008 at 11:10am

As the sun was setting west, my nostalgia grew...
Light became but a vague distant memory I long for...
She brings the darkest of nights...
Lit by a thousand dark moons and a million fallen stars...
A horrific view for me to relish...

I wonder when will I wake up from my rainbow of dreams...
And be ready to face her in reality...
Only to find out that her very own existence redefines brutality...
I cry out loud for my savior...
All I get back are the widest of echoes...

Her whispers were otherworldly thunderous..
She whispered "For you, i give the gift of memory preservation".
For me to remember the light but live in utter darkness...
She continues her betrayals and speaks of tranquility and the blackest of hatred..
And I still fancy the day when she quits slaughtering the light...

Utter Darkness by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

That Thing...

2008-09-27T20:39:00.001+02:00

Sunday, September 7, 2008 at 9:30pm

Take a look back, at your bastard self...
Doesn't matter how clean you are now..
Since a trail of dirt will always haunt you..

You used to inhale the sunshine..
And steal it to be yours...
Cutting through hearts like thunder..
Stroked by strong belief..

You used to exhale darkness..
For you, the night is there...
For you, and your demons to feed...
To feed on the wreckage of their hearts..

You are praised as a goddess, regardless the pain...
You might rule all their hearts...for now.
Accepting, following, compromising, its their only choice...for now.
Rejecting, rioting, awakening... their future.

That Thing... by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Contradictions

2008-09-27T20:38:00.000+02:00

Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 19:31:28 +0200

As clear as it is
As wide as it is
As loud as it is
As great as it is
We never see it

It is all around us
Its in you, in me, and in them
It've always been there
It'll always be here
It's everywhere
But we never see it....

Its like the sky
Too big, yet, unnoticed
Its like the cars
Too many, yet uncountable
Its like humans...
So loud, yet no one cares

Its CONTRADICTIONS...
We want the opposites
We want, we want, we want...
We need, we need, we need...
We could take everything..
There will always be space for an extra thing

We dont give back, we dont care
We hope to get more, more of care
We take anything
We give nothing

People come, people go
We try to take as much as we can before they go
But, the question is
Do you give, as much as you take?
Do you love, as much as you hate?

Contradictions by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Me!

2008-09-27T20:37:00.000+02:00

Date: Sun, 5 Dec 2004 00:12:30 +0200

The real me
Only me knows who really me is
I am, the only...
I can see people,
I cant see myself.

I admire me,
To the extent
The world, to me, is only... Me.
I never, see Me except as an Idol.
Idol, I Myself, follow..
To achieve, have a bit, of perfection..
Of Me, My dreams.

As i see Me in body/education/behavior...

etc.
I wish i achieve Me
Me, the only true
True care, no one care but Me
Me cares about me and only.. Me
How come i don't love Me?

This is not about how i love Me
Since Me already knows how i am in love with Me.
Its about, a manifest..
Of the Me inside us
Few are whom who face the truth
That their Me is above all
Even above themselves....

I Admit, and saying it OUT LOUD
Yes, I am in love with Myself!
The only one who deserves yourself, is so near you.
Its YOU.

Shehab Ismail
To the World.

Me! by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

No Compromise For Salvation

2008-09-27T20:36:00.000+02:00

Date: Sat, 11 Dec 2004 14:00:33 +0200

Today i celebrate my salvation
From the slavery i chose
From the compromise i accepted
From my wrong choice.

Today somehow i feel blessed by thee...
Today somehow the world is different to me...
Today sometime i will have a cake...
Today is a feast, for that only sake...!

Love will always remain...
A debate, no one will gain...
We are blind when we are in love
But we are eagles when we awaken..
From such a ruthless game
Such a ruthless lie..

A lie, we write
A lie we say
A lie we make
A lie we ourselves, know it is
A lie we still believe

For the sake of God
For the sake of Freedom
For the sake of being Sane
For the sake of Truth

We have to face ourselves
At least once in a while
To know how foolish we were
When we chose to love
To give, to care
To the Selfish, to the Un-carer
To the illusion we create..
To the thief which takes the chance..
To the monster called
Love.... Ha!

It's all over now
It will never return
And even if it does
I will for sure refuse
To be enslaved again
I will sure spit on
Every icon of this stupid ugly fetus
Of which whome i should regret

Yes, I regret
Yes, I was in pain
Every moment spent with You
Yes, I wanted it back..My freedom, not You!

Today is my true birthday
Today is December 11th
The day i awaken
Today i celeberate my salvation
Of this continuous betrayal...
Join me!

No Compromise For Salvation by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Worth or Not?

2008-09-27T20:35:00.000+02:00

Date: Mon, 24 Jan 2005 20:57:55 +0200

Starting something new?
An idea just got out of the blue?

Is your life complicated
As life itself?

Or your life is simple
As a daydream?

Is it worth the effort u pay everyday
To gain their trust, all the way?

Does it really matter,
When no one truly cares?

When you are all alone
And suffering to the bone..

Of the everyday faces Hypocrating you
Hypocrating you for the sake of the... Unknown?

Of the wars, deaths, sickness of every second
You start thinking if its worth, the pain handled

Of all these,
You know you're just another human on the death row

Comes the idea..
Of finishing it all...

Of not being a coward..
For once in your life...

And your last words...
Were....

Nothing is worth a tear..
Even you...

Worth Or Not? by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

Hurt...

2008-09-27T20:34:00.000+02:00

Hurt i was..

When i was humilated..

Begging for forgiving the Unforgivin...

Willing to forget the Unforgotten...

Aiming was my brains to a future of happiness, based on a past of bitterness..

Feeling my soul getting out of my body, remotely by its owner..

Hurt, my soul rest... cause of my bleeding pride...

Me.. a word lost its fragrance after it whithers..

STABBED!!....by those hazel eyes.. Turned into razors and sliced my heart..

Harmless.. i stay... Harmed i was!

She will know.. how lunatic she was.. when selfishness was her only desire...

Crying!! Who cries for you here?! (Opeth - Bleak)

By Shehab Ismail @ 20August'03

Hurt by Shehab El-Din Ismail is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at loath.blogspot.com.

The Ultimate Truth About Piracy

2005-12-08T19:56:00.000+02:00

We are now entering a new age, The dawn of the new era, was back, in the 1980's.

We are into a digital era, everything goes digital. and whats not, is simply considered Obsolete. Analog media is no longer transferred, and when it is transferred , as Vinyls or Cassettes, its considered as collectibles, because its a rare item.

Now, music, movies, and software are available for download online "illegitemately", this is called Digital Piracy, and in some way it is concidered illegal and wrong, also laws in some countries prohibit such actions and people might get sued for it, which lead us to ask ourselves, is this truly that bad? is it truly "stealing"?

Most of online netizens recon the name KaZaA, or its alikes, this is where that forfeit media is circulating. people share.. their legitimatly bought stuff. it is theirs already, thus they can break it into pieces, or use it, or SHARE IT. its is a logical right.

First of all, this is my own opinion, i have the right to say whatever i want. i belive in democracy. if that offends you, or your corporation, please leave. Youve been warned. so, please dont whine later.

01) Terminology:
pi·ra·cy (pr-s)n. pl. pi·ra·cies

a. Robbery committed at sea.

b. A similar act of robbery, as the hijacking of an airplane.

This is the definition of Piracy on any dictionary. so it means a Robbery, which means Stealing something from someone.

eg.: Someone who had 1 KG of gold. I stole his Gold. He lost his gold, he could not sell his gold and benefit from it, since i stole it.

Digital , so called "Piracy" is totally different. No one looses. The industry still has its products in the market, and at the same time, people has a copy. the company will still have its product sold, and the one who got the free copy will use it. its a win/win game. everyone wins.

02) Dynamics:

How piracy works? Well, it is simple. people like to share their resources, because everyone is downloading everyone's else's shares. which is a good deed. so, ethically, piracy is Okay, since people are actually HELPING each other.

Now the companies claims that their profits are going low and sometimes, they are loosing. well, a simple question, if they DO loose, why we still see Universal and Sony home video around? and, why do we see new studios come out, and new record labels? Its simple. They lie. they want everyone to buy, and i understand that. this is a concept of capitalism. and it is fine, but you forcing me to buy isnt working. And, think about it in that way..

"I aint going to buy this CD anyways.. so what difference does it make when i download?"

So, this person downloaded the cd as MP3 files. and he was not going to buy it anyways.. so what difference does it make to the company? They wouldnt take any money from him anyways.. so no difference.. that person just downloaded it to try it out. and if he truly liked it, he might buy it, because by then he would know it deserves the value of money, if not, simply ignore and delete. at both cases, the company did not loose anything, actually, it might make profit since he might still buy it. even if he liked it, and kept it, they still didnt lose a cent.

03) Echos:

What are the reactions on both sides? This is a good question, indeed.

A) Corporations: These corporations are highly concerned about their stuff being freely distributed. which violates their "outdated" copyright law. this copyright law was made for copying "physically" the product. and it was done based on the old age, this is the new age, this is the digital era. so what did they do? they only added "or electronically" to the copyright law. do you think that this is enough to fit a new age?

As to give an example here, the RIAA (Record Industry Assosciation Of America) is actually suing people who download music online, also they sue the dead for downloading music! i have one question to ask you...can it get any more stupid?

B) Individuals AKA "Pirates": Simply, dont give a shit. still downloading, legal it is or not, seems it aint their concern anymore. maybe the are not aware its illegal from the first place.. and new online releases still come out.

C) Developers: By developers here, i mean the sharing programs developers, and the security developers. I will talk about the sharing programs development first. These people make all the networks you see alive now, thanks to them, we now can share our own files together, and mostly, free of charge. one of the most respected developer in the file sharing scene, is Bram Cohen, who developed the BitTorrent protocol to ease the transfer of files between peers, and its completely decenteralized now by the means of the new DHT technology. so it cannot be "Shut Down" as KaZaA and its alikes.

The security developers are the people who are working to invent new protection technologies to be used on Audio CDs and DVDs so it will be harder for people to make copies of it, thus no one can share them. too bad for them, crackers overcounts them, so, whatever they did, or will do, will be broken, since down there, its just a binary code.

04)Impact:

What happens in real life? This is hard to tell. the companies are chasing people, whome are endless. so they actually started loosing the battle before they even started it. and they know so, but, yet, they still started.. does that ring any bells?

Piracy actually SUPPORT these companies: How? you may ask.. okay.. the fact that "pirates" buy more than others is true. Now, lets say, Alex downloaded an album, and he liked it significantly, so he bought it! which means he supported the company. Next day, Alex downloaded another album, after few listens he discovers it is flawed. and not "as advertised" so he did not buy it. What happened in this case is that he supported the good art, and didnt support the inferior art.

I will mention an example here. about Apple's iTunes service. iTunes is a music player which allows you to buy digital music files (MP3) from the program directly for an incredibly low price. yes, this aint free. but its a smart move. since they knew that this is the future, CDs are becomming obsolete. if not, what are mp3 players for?

05) Conclusions:

Piracy is the future. this is truly simple. we all want our stuff for free. best things in life comes free, you had a mother for free, you also could have the new Metallica album for free. thing is, major corporations have not yet discovered this fact, i guess i made it easier for them by writing this whole topic.. hehe.. so, instead of them trying to accept this fact, they are trying harder to supress it, and spending alot of cash to do so, while this cash would be spent more wisely on research on how to recover this and turn it to their own good. well, this is why their R&D (Research and Development) department gets paid!

06) Suggested Solutions:

Okay, now i posted this, I have a solution for all these companies whome R&D Departments are facing extreme stupidity issues.

Music Industry: Give the artists the right of their music, you have no right taking their music and sell it and give them just a little share. a very good example for this is the record label: Magnatune (www.magnatune.com) which gives the music for free and who wants to buy the original music can do that. and they share the artist a fair 50% share.

Software Industry: Well, Open Source now is beating you all up. so you have to lower the price. Open Source is very well constructed and they are free. also it is frequently updated and developed. my suggestion to you is to offer your packages for a low price, or free, CLEAN ADS supported.

Movies Industry: This is the most whining industry. Dan Glickman cant stop talking about people downloading movies. well, its true, and you have to deal with it man, get real. do you really think you could hold all these "movie pirates"? Its not a criminal to use my broadband connection. and actually, downthere, its only binary data. you cannot simply hold me guilty for sending out 0's and 1's and receiving them, can you? the real solution is to make the movies for free, since you already earn alot of cash from theatre! so, make the movie have alot of ads, like when the actor enters a supermarket, he buys Pepsi, and other products. this will get you all the money people would pay on your dvds.

Keep an eye on this post, i will update it soon.

Would be nice if you comment ;)

The Ultimate Truth About Life And Death...

2005-12-04T22:55:00.000+02:00

Hey..

Ive wrote what i am about to post now more than a year ago, 11th of Oct'04 @ 02:24pm to be exact.. i never thought of sharing it with anyone since this was only my thoughts and what i do belive, but thanks to blogger, now i can share it with all of you, whoever you are, i dont know you, and obviously, you do not know me as well, so it would be nice to exchange ideas about it... Waiting your comment.

Death:

Death..? what is it, really? why people are so afraid from the fact that they would die someday? why people kill other people for the sake of few minutes/hours/days/months ir even, years added up to their own lives? they steal this "so called: Time" from the people they murder.. if people have belief, they would know that death is only another stage of our eternal life, dead is another beginning, another birth for the dead in their own world, their brand new life. Dont you know that you already died before? when you were on your mothers womb and you died there "by means you already left her womb and your life there, which differs ALOT from your life right now" and you were born here, into this world... so its just another stage, yet to remain anonymous... maybe people are afraid because they feel that they are not yet ready to go? or because they fear it? as the basic human instinct here... fear from the unknown? If we look deeply on our beliefs "if we actually DO beleive" we will find out that we already know what death and afterlife is. you know if you were "good-enough" what will you get, and if you were a "bad-a**" what will you get. So, why are they still afraid? the answer is utterly simple, which is People are greedy. we always ask for more, even if we have alot, we always ask for more. more of anything. look at that old man, or no, wait, ask the oldest living human, are you ready to die? what the answer should be? most probably, No. Nothing is enough to us. even life itself, if we did what God, the creator of all things, have ordered us to do, we would had forever everything we want. but due to our extreme stupidity, we prefer this so called "life", while its nothing more than a transition station. a place we will be held on for a period of "time", we are all waiting for our death, and this thing "death" will arrive. Surely it will, actually death is the only fact in our life. you cant prove anything except that you are going to die someday. how long we wait, it will arrive, either now or after 20 years, but rest assured, it will visit you someday, most probably, the least you expect it. but unfotunately people seem to completely forget about this fact, or worse, simply ignore it. Shame on us, mankind. we think we are immortals , and all the world is working for us, but belive it or not, whoever you are, the world is not rotating around you. you are not the center of the world. We are wrong, for sure we have been mistaken. Actually, i prefer death than living on this world which is full of betrayal and sickness. this is a sick station, i cant wait till the train arrives to take me away, to where i belong, to the REAL life. free from this slavery, slavery with chains, i cant hold these chains anymore. i want to b e free, as i always dreamt to be...

Teh liphe~~w00t!

2005-12-03T14:32:00.000+02:00

Well,

Most of you might not actually recon the title, and for you who do, keep 1337.

Being a 1337'er myself is actually hard to cope with in the land of bt and n00bs.

But, what would we do? life is harsh

Anyways, this was just to test this blog and if it works or not...